"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
