I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
