You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize