Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
