yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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