and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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