Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Your penis caused this!
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