i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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