it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
