WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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