I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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