I need to stop coming to work sober
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
