Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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