i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
These tits shall not be calmed
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
