tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
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Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
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Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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