I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
