he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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