I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
