I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
