I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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