I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
