i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
