Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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