bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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