Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
