Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
