it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
