Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
