I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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