Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize