Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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