The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
