I wish I could teleport
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
