Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
