He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
