he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just pee around me
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
