God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
