a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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