new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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