david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
