Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
