new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
