dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
