the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize