it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
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Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
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Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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