a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
