I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
