I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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