woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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