no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
