Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
