Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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