my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
