Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
