I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
