Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
there is puke in my bra ... again
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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