I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
