There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
